Let’s start with the positive: Bella Thorne is beautiful, talented, and way more coordinated at dance than I’ll ever be. She also was the biggest positive in Lifetime’s Perfect High—that for better or for worse—made for a rather entertaining evening of Twitter conversations and hilarious moments. So, without further ado, brace yourself for the top 10 thoughts I had while watching #PerfectHigh.
1. I Miss A Deadly Adoption: Maybe I’m too old for movies set in high school (or maybe it’s because my high school experience was less than stellar), but I was craving Jessica Lowndes’ crazy Joni/Bridget, and Will Ferrell and Kristen Wiig’s dance moves to show up halfway through the movie.
2. I Didn’t Know Kylie Jenner Had a Starring Role!: OK, so the look-alike actress was actually Jasmine Sky Sarin and not Kylie Jenner, but you could have fooled me.
3. #LoveWins at the Perfect High High School: Love the rainbow murals on every wall at Amanda’s high school. The executives at Lifetime were genius to schedule the debut of Perfect High the day after SCOTUS ruled in favor of gay marriage!
4. Fashion Montages Aren’t What They Used to Be: Granted this wasn’t Clueless 2.0 or Sex and the City: The Movie, but was it too much to ask for at least a catchy tune to play while Amanda tried to channel her inner edgy alter-ego?
5. All Drug Addicts Wear Smoky Eye Makeup: And you should never deny them pills if they ask. Because that would just ruin your reputation. Obviously.
6. Never Take Your Pills With Orange Juice: Haven’t these kids read anything about the proper way to take your daily medication? Orange juice, apple juice, grapefruit juice, etc. decrease the absorption of many drugs. Sheesh, kids these days.
7. Selfie Control: Someone needs to invent an app that blocks the amount of selfies one can take in one day. For the sake of America’s future, this needs to become a reality. Stat.
8. Common Sense FINALLY Kicks In Over Heroin: Because driving under the influence, almost getting into a deadly car crash, and taking other drugs weren’t enough to scare the crap out of these teens. Let’s hear it for heroin being the voice of reason!
9. Amanda’s Parents Need Their Parental Rights Revoked: An eating disorder? Really? That’s what they think is making their daughter act so strangely? Help me. Help me now.
10. I Need Help: Hey, Amanda even said it herself when she finally admitted to her mother that her life is out of control. Now, excuse me while I indulge in a Full House marathon in my attempts to recover from the last two hours.
And One for the Road: Selfies make everything better. At least, that’s what Alexis teaches us at the end of the movie.